


Battle Scars

by Adrien303



Category: Batfamily - Fandom, Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Bruce Finds Out, DaddyBats for the soul, Gen, Some good old fashioned hurt/comfort, enjoy, honestly can't remember if thats in there or not but hey whatever, intentional self harm, it just talks about it though, jason cuts in this, like child abuse, tw abuse maybe?, tw burning himself, tw cutting, tw self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrien303/pseuds/Adrien303
Summary: Jason's been cutting himself to deal with problems related to his less than ideal situation. He gets hurt on a mission with Dick and Bats finds out. Stay Tuned ;)





	Battle Scars

You'd think that after the whole thing with the Joker that Jason would have at least some aversion to pain, right? Jason thought the same thing at first. After being beaten to death, digging his way out of his own grave, and being dropped into the Lazarus Pit, he decided he didn't want any more pain for the rest of his life. This time around, he means. Sometimes though, he can feel a burning bubbling up from under his skin and he just needs to get it out. He needs it in the worst damn way or he'll go mad. Typically when this happens he'll go out- start a fight, take down some pedos, vandalize Wayne Enterprises, the like - but when the burning feeling of regret and humiliation and hopelessness just overrides everything else, there's only one thing that can get him out of it.

Jason stares down at the blade in his hand. He used to use knives but razor blades are just so much easier to deal with after. He won't have to sharpen them, they're disposable, and he won't leave any DNA on his corpses- not that it would matter much with him being legally dead, but better safe then sorry. This is far from the first time he's intentionally hurt himself. The first time dates back all the way from before he was Robin. When his dad would hit him and his mom every night and he needed a way to make his injuries his own. Back then he'd punched himself- which was well hidden under the bruises he'd gotten from his father. When he was picked up by Bruce, though, he'd stopped hitting himself. Not because he didn't want to, but because at least now he felt like he could control his injuries more than ever before. He chose to be Robin, he chose to fight bad guys, he chose to train hard for what he wanted. Something inside him had still felt that little burst of joy everytime skin ripped open and ribs bruised. Until Ethiopia, that is.

When Jason first started cutting it took him a while to figure out the right places to go for. Wrists were an obvious no, and his thighs just didn't feel right. He ended up settling for his stomach and calves. He tried to spread the cuts out so that they'd blend in with the rest of his scars but he'd given up on that a while ago. Jason crossed his bare legs and cut five lines across the left side of his calf. He sat and let the tension and pain bleed out of him for a few minutes before disinfecting everything and wiping up the blood. He was finishing wrapping up his leg when he heard his communicator go off. Dick was having some trouble with a drug shipment going down and needed his help, so Jason put on his pants and helmet, grabbed some guns and shot out of his safehouse window. When he got there, a thug had Nightwing pinned against a pillar with his arm on his windpipe.

"You might wanna ease up on that grip, buddy, I don't think birdbrain is into that kinda thing." Red Hood landed on the ground next to Nightwing and began shooting at everything that moved toward them. Nightwing rolled his eyes at Red Hood and smiled. 

"Come on, let's take these assholes down," he said, smirking.

Jason didn't get any time to respond, as 300 pounds of pure muscle and testosterone barreled toward him. Dick, the dick, had already jumped out of the man's way and had begun taking down a frankly-unfairly smaller man as he left Jason with the brute. The man had guns on him- duh he'd be an idiot not to- but he seemed way more interested in trying to crush Jay's helmet with his head still inside it. Jason didn't even want to think about what it would feel like to come back to life from that. He shuddered. Jason dodged right and kicked his leg out in an attempt to get the man off his feet. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and all that. He was not, however, planning on the man to land on him. Being crushed to death by a large burly man wasn't something he'd thought he'd be into and he was right. He struggled to reach one of his guns, but he'd dropped them during the fall. God, he was getting clumsy. The man just started wailing down on him and Jason could only lay there until he heard a shout of surprise and the man was pushed off of him. Dick winked at him from where he stood and offered Jason a hand up, which Jason's pride did not allow him to take. He grunted and stood up on his own, grabbing his guns along the way and taking down the fucking mammoth that had almost caved his skull in.

Together Jason and Dick work to take down the assholes working to bring in a new- more intense- kind of cocaine into Bludhaven. There were only two men left- Dick went after one of them and Jason followed the other, who ran into some kind of warehouse, boots splashing through puddles as he tracked the guy down. Finally Jason had the man cornered, but he didn't seem scared. The man smirked and dropped a lighter in the puddle of fluid at his own feet. Jason's eyes widened as he saw the trail of fire shoot toward him, gasoline leading the way. He ran as fast as he could, but you can't outrun chemicals. "No way am I dying in an explosion twice," he thought before ducking behind the sturdiest looking brick wall he could find in such short notice. The last thing he heard was a loud bang as he felt the oxygen get sucked straight out of his lungs and his vison went black.

 

He woke up to the beeping of a heart moniter- which was so horribly cliche that Jason thought of just keeling over and puking right there even if just for the theatrics of it. He finally gathered the energy needed to open his eyes and saw Dick st by his bedside, drooling on his armed which were pillowed under his head.

Jason must have made some kind of noise or move because Dick went from Dead To The World to startled but relieved staring in under a second. God the man was like a damned golden retreiver the way he bounced around. Jason was afraid Dick might go in for the hug in a moment but was fortunately, or unfortunately, saved by Bruce's appearance into the med bay. He cleared his throat and gestured for Dick to leave, but he only shook his head in a glare and stayed put. Bruce put on an exasperated look and gently nudged Dick toward the door from his seat in the chair. When Dick didn't get up to leave, Bruce leaned down and looked him in the eye. "Dick, this is really important and I need you to leave for this." Dick hardened his glare. Bruce sighed. "Alfred made cookies and I promise you can come back in a few minutes." Still refusing to speak, Dick nodded warily and left the room without taking his eyes off his little brother.

Bruce ran his fingers through his hair and sat down on the chair that Dick had previously occupied. In a way that hilariously screamed "Guidance Counselor trying too hard to relate with the kids" Bruce had decided to sit on the chair so that he could lean his forearms on the back rest while the rest of him straddled the seat backward. Jason tried for a scoff but it ended up leading to a way too painful coughing fit for him to try that again. Bruce frowned a his second oldest before over-casually tossing a waterbottle his direction. It hit Jason in the chest and he winced. Bruce looked guilty and embarassed for no more than a second before switching his face back to SeriousTM. He waited for Jason to finished drinking his water before even opening his mouth, but even when he'd finished Bruce looked pretty speachless. Which was a terrrifying thought in and of itself. What the fuck made Batman- THE Batman- speachless? Finally Bruce's eyes settled down to Jason's legs and a burst of ice shot straight through him. He knew. Bruce knew, he didn't know how but he did. Well, duh he must have seen after getting him into the med bay. 

Bruce must have seen the panicked look that erupted on Jason's face because he instantly held out his palms in the universal "I'm not going to hurt you" gesture. Jason tried to take a breathe if only to calm the blood rushing in his own ears but it ended up a stuttered gasp. He managed to get it under control while Bruce watched- which was awkward as fuck holy SHIT- and Bruce rubbed at his temples with his hands. "I know I'm way underprepared to be having this conversation, and honestly it may seem a bit hypocritical." Jason huffed an unappreciated laugh. "But it has come to my attention that you- you uh- fuck. Why do you cut yourself?" His voice easily slipped over from concerned mentor to devastated dad. Jason tensed up, which hurt, but it kind of kind the point across. Bruce sighed. He's been doing that a ton. "I know you probably don't want to talk about this, hell I wouldn't if I were in your situation, but I just can't understand how you could do that to yourself." Jason felt nauseous. Clearly Bruce was expecting some kind of response, though so he gathered up all his shit and started.

"It- well it helps you know?" Jason said in an uncharacteristically small voice. He had never thought he was insecure about his coping before but clealry that was far from the truth. Bruce looked shattered. "Helps with what, Jaylad?" He asked softly. Jason gestured to everything around him, which he guesses was a wrong move, as Bruce began to say in a heart breaking voice, "Me? You cut because of me?" Bruce had gone pale. Jason jumped to correct himself. "NO! I mean, no. It isn't you, Bruce. It's just- it's everything." He looked down at his hands clasped in the white sheets. ANother cliche, fantastic. "Explain," Bruce said, looking like he was coming down from a breakdown himself. Jason felt guilty. "After I came back, it's like everything is really intense, you know? Every feeling, every sounds, every sight. All my emotions. I guess the pain just helps me focus." He looked up again to meet Bruce's gaze. "You've been hurting yourself since you came back?" He sounded sad, and Jason felt like the biggest asshole to cause that.

"Well, actually I'd started as a kid. It's nothing you could have done, really. It had mostly stopped when I met you anyways." Jason tried to calm his adoptive father down a bit more but everything he seemed to say was just making it worse. Bruce considered it for a moment. "Can I help you?" He asked gently. Jason was shocked. He hadn't been expecting that in the least. He nodded dumbly before Bruce got a look of relief on his face and slowly move toward Jay in a hug. He gave him plenty of time to push him away if he didn't want a hug, but Jason thought- hey just this once wouldn't hurt, right? "You mean so much to me, Jay. I couldn't be able to stand losing you again. I could never lose one of my boys again. I promise we'll get you some help. You'll be okay. I'll do whatever it takes." Bruce squeezed Jason gently. Jason thought for a moment before leaning into Bruce's hold- that that was the first time he'd seen his dad cry.


End file.
